This friend was referring to my physical make up - my body, my health and the high standards I have for life action. It is true, but again, I defend: I am but a victim of Saturn's embrace. The focalizing energy has been upon me now for so long, I feel only glimpses of expansiveness now and then. Rather, for half a year or slightly more, I have been drawn to one point on the wall. In this case, the Self. I have been drawn inward upon mySelf for at least six months' lapse with all the glory and all the shame accompanying this sort of inward focalizing to prove it.
Like meditating for six months on the candle flame. Or crawling inside opium's secret smoke-filled den. Like gazing into the water and seeing only the reflection. This narcissus, this meditation, this poppy is the focus that can not be broken. And here is where one will see their reflections - obsessively and entirely, noticing the faults, the weaknesses, the opportunities, the intricacies and hopefully sometime before the concentration has moved on, falling in love with the reflection, too.
It is a difficult place to be, this gathering of Self energies. It is an evolutionary opportunity, but can be quite revealing and quite revolting, too. I mean, who wants to look at this painting so close anyway? Who needs to see every pixel of the image? Who really wants a magnifying mirror in the shower, anyway? Revealing, revolting, perchance to fall in love.
I forget. I forget to look up. So when a dancer from Australia emails me to say she feels an inspired connection, it matters. Or when the actress from Tennessee messages asking for my perspective, I am touched. When the artist from Pennsylvania tells me I am pretty, I am humbled. And when the magickan / philosopher from Texas bestows upon me the award of Infinite Potential, I am called to stop what I am doing and look up from my scrying glass, step back from the painting and turn around on the path to let the meaning of this award sink in. To humble me some more. Do I really have infinite potential?
Sheta Kaey is the editor of Rending the Veil, a most reputable and thought-provoking occult spirituality digest, as well as the creator of the Infinite Potential Web Award. In her own words, she defines her intentions, "The Infinite Potential Award is for websites and individuals I judge to have infinite potential or to be at the very start of something quite possibly magical. Potential is all about what you make of it, and many people let opportunity pass them by. (I tend, for example, to be all too easy going and to miss opportunities to excel due to procrastination and disorganization.) The award is geared toward people who seize their opportunities and use them to the fullest extent possible, whether those opportunities are self-created or presented from outside. A person who can truly make the most of their skills, talents, opportunities, good fortune, and, most of all, who take hard knocks as things to learn from rather than to be victimized by… this is the person who deserves the IPA."
And then Sheta writes more about why she has chosen me as recipient for the Infinite Potential Award 2010, saying some very lovely words. Words I am forced to emerge from my hyper analytical metacognition in order to hear. Because I have been so intensely engaged in this Will building, this spiritual refinement, this physical perfection, that I've lost outside reference. It is a harsh place to be.
Not only does the award say the word "infinite" in it, which basically means it's super honorable and bigger than time itself. It also says the word 'potential' and I've always thought I'd rather have that than fulfillment. I'd rather be journeying than arriving. The best spot in line is always 'next'. I'd rather be a ball of potential, ripe for reincarnation, but never limited by the incarnate, no matter how good it gets.
No, I am not aiming for perfection. I am accumulating potential. And it is Sheta Kaey's words that have brought me out of my push to give in with some surrender. I do wish to allow myself to receive some of the goodness I've worked so hard at intending for the world.
With upward gaze I display the award of Infinite Potential here. I wish I had a speech or something to say. I wish I had a list of people to thank. But I am not that cool right now. I'm just thankful that the concept of me you hold surrounds me with Infinite Potential. Let the sigil be published!
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17 Comments:
Ur writing always has such a depth & texture, it embraces the reader & weaves an intoxicating spell, like a great perfume or a fine wine. u R such a star on so many levels its mind blowing xxx
SiSTARS, we are. Can I whisper magickal spells into your ear? Thanks for saying that, Kate Magic!
i very much enjoyed the "scrying glass" idea. forgot i knew what one of those was.
sometimes I scry the sun!
that can be dangerous.
i remember why i know..
clash of the titans. the three witches who warn perseus of the medusa. they have no eyes.
I am very witchy. And I do look at lot like Medusa.
But I only scry the sun within an hour of sunrise or sunset when the UV rays are low. Anytime after that magic hour and I'm squinting and looking away. Flaming ball of fire sustaining life.
Shine on, forever, shine on benevolent sun.
incredibly well said. also--excellent use of song lyrics.
stay beautiful and stay inspired.
it is great talking with you as well.
almost inspiration enough to quit my smoking. can't. although the hunter thompson cigarette holder is quite an attractive thought i find the spirituality of the smoke ritual to be quite powerful. it will always be there. in one form or another.
by the way, if you haven't already checked him out, MJK is crazy on the PUSCIFER.
And if it is your spiritual practice - and only you know if you are creating it that way - then it is your spiritual practice. The world needs more spiritual practice and I honor anyone whom can work that in to the daily lives as if there is no separation. There is no separation.
And if you are connected that way to your smoke, then the signals your body and the smoke are giving you speak louder than if you were habitually and unconsciously toking. And with that communication, I trust if the smoke and your body do ever give you the signals that this ritual is complete, you will be there to listen.
Please clarify what you mean by MJK is crazy on the Puscifer. I am a fan. In fact, I am one of the women standing in the Hollywood Whole Foods line for an hour to purchase my $200 of Merkin Vineyards wine and get a private moment to speak with Maynard and his wine maker while he signed my bottles.
Oh most definitely a fan (I was listening to his website while typing my previous response). It's a very contagious yet very new music. I find it incredibly catchy and cannot stop it singing in my head. Going to see him and his merry pranksters next month when they make a stop in the frozen Michigan tundra.
And I was totally set to buy a bottle of Judith online, however, my better half thought better of it (Tell me how it's the best wine you've ever had).
Yes, the smoking.... It is not something I do continuously (packs per day) though I will admit to the occasional zone out smoke where I'm doing nothing but driving and soothing the savage nicotine beast. I'm at a steady 5-8 per day.
IMPORTANT NOTE: It does help to cover the smells of other, ahhhh......how shall we say, less socially acceptable, forms of smoke which I enjoy being privy to. So it also has that aspect.
I also heard once that Native Americans believed smoke was the physical manifestation of thoughts; I was hooked right there.
I'll save the other excuses because that's exactly what they are: excuses.
All the best!
When working with my pagan circle in Chicago, I learned this, too. That in our neo-design of the peace pipe ritual at least, it was not the smoke, but the thoughts while smoking. Purity in thought because we were "releasing the spirit of the plant" by smoking it and it was somewhat a homage or a pure delivery of our spirits intermingled with it's transformative (re)birth moment.
Blessed be the pagans with their openness to learning and exploring cultural rituals without overall allegience to one. At least the pagans I have worked with. Such special people.
Puscifer music. When does the new album release, do you know? And the wine? Well, I drank one in the $35/bottle range and it had all the powerful components of good wine. Dare I say without being a stand out. Surely I need to taste their room, however, to get to know what makes the wine maker truly unique. I've yet to break open the top shelf bottle I purchased. How envious am I that Michigan gets a concert and LA is no where on the list. Yet.
Undoubtedly, another LA show should be in the future. I know that when he first landed (so to speak), LA and Vegas were the places to be. Of course, knowing what I know about the man: who the heck knows--he is certainly a conundrum of existence. Which aside from his amazing voice, I greatly enjoy his (and Tool’s for that matter) exploration of human consciousness; the amazing conclusion seems to be that there exists within each of us a juxtaposition of archetypes and personas. Is this what makes a great actor (he asked to no one in particular)?
Not sure of a specific new album per se but if you check out his website (https://store.puscifer.com/frameset.html), he streams his music for free.
Speaking of online music exploration:
Another good place is lala.com--it allows you to listen to music for free with an option to purchase. What I really like about it is that it provides an online storage space for the file so you don't have to have a specific computer holding onto the file.
Pandora is another good find but they've been going heavy on the (ads) making money initiatives –not that I blame them.
But back to Puscifer, the amzing current shiznit playlist includes: Mama Sed (live in Vegas), DoZo (live); Polar Bear and Holiday on the Moon. Amazing stuff. All tracks work either in the midnight hour (HEADPHONES) or middle of the day (JAMMED WAY OUT LOUD).
I’ll leave my post at this as you have opened the floodgates of my mind regarding regarding organized spirituality and the belief of collective over individual (or vice versa). I will require some time to meditate on such things and will definitely get back to you. Methinks I may have to do some drafting and re-drafting before posting anew.
Polar Bear rocks. You are deep. I can't wait to hear/see what springs forth from your reconsidered mind.
Nothing is true ... everything is permitted.
I just found this. I checked a couple of times after I gave you the award, but must have been too early.
I'm so glad that the award means something to you. I do feel you have incredible (infinite) potential -- there is a light that shines forth, something I recognize but see in few people. (I feel we have a kinship but I can't articulate it.) You are truly alive... and embracing every minute of it, both within and without. That's rare. May your light never dim.
Something I never say but which needs to go here... Namaste.
What a gift to both of us for you to have seen this today, Sheta!
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Unsure! It never got logged cause I never saw it!
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